Time for a Break

Boy have things been rocky on the Reggie/Dave plane.  I wrote an email to Dave and another one to Sven apologizing for my role in, what I like to refer to as the "series of unfortunate events".  Sven has replied, but nothing from Dave and it's been almost a week so I'm assuming that it went over like a fart in church.  As they say, the silence is deafening.

Reggie and I hardly ever see each other anymore and I know it's hard for him to balance his life with this additional complication in it.  I'm always calling him and he rarely calls me.  It feels a lot like my high school days when I used to pursue my friends all the time and that seems like it's rubbing against a wound of mine that is sore and has been there for a long time.  This wound is the largest symptom of my insecurity and reminds me of how long it's been around.

I'm doing something about it this time though.  As painful as this will be for me, I'm letting the idea of being friends with Dave and Reggie go.  I love Reggie as a friend way too much to keep putting him in the situation where he feels like he has to choose between his partner and I when deciding how to spend his very limited free time.  For the most part, the three of us have done nothing but add value to each others' lives, but I'm one of the only people who sees that right now and clinging to that isn't much different than the clinging I did with Jesse (or Ian or...)  The clinging is stopping.  Plus it certainly isn't adding value to Reggie's life when he's constantly having to deal with me knowing that's stressing his relationship with Dave.

I'm getting to know who I really am and the more I learn about me, the more I like me.  Not in a cocky way, but in a confident way.  The way that screams to the world, "Take me or leave me but I'm me!" and being completely ok if the answer is "leave me".  I suspect that won't be the case, however.  Energy is attracted to like energy and, over time, I'm certain that I will attract confident, like-minded people into my life as friends and as lovers.  In the meantime, it's just time to get off of the Dave/Reggie train.  We all need a break.