Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Lonely? Restless? Hmm...


Lately I've been thinking about Jesse.  Not in a yearning type of way.  I've just been upset with how he behaved and continues to behave and how the world keeps seeming to reward that behavior.  He screws people over constantly and is very selfish and I'm assuming he's off having a great time, whereas me, I'm playing by all the rules, treating people well, treating myself well, and I'm the one struggling to keep friends and stay socially occupied.  I'm enjoying myself, but I just feel a little socially outcasted right now.  They always say that when you're married, everyone else is single and when you're single, everyone else is married.  It sure seems that way sometimes.

Right now, I think I'm just bumping back up against loneliness and I feel like I should probably just keep pushing onward vs cave in and start dating again.  I feel like I should be ambivalent about having someone in my life, rather than looking to fill a gap and loneliness feels too much like the latter.

Onward through the experience!

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