A Sean Date

Alcohol warning:  I'm about 60% inebriated as I type this (not so much so that I can't still use a word like 'inebriated'). 

I took myself on a date tonight which was overdue.  I cooked up some awesome chicken breast on the BBQ along with white rice and stir fry vegetables.  Oh and some red wine which explains the inebriation.  I don't consider myself to be a wine connoisseur (thank you spell check) but I'm not digging this wine I bought.  It was cheap and that explains it, but sometimes those are surprisingly good.  Anyway, it served the purpose tonight.  I'm very relaxed and even though the red would have been better with a steak, I was craving chicken.

Speaking of white meat, I met a guy who is hot but is likely straight (story of my life, read on).  A few months ago, Reggie asked me hypothetically whether I could be friends (and only friends) with someone I was attracted to.  At the time, my answer was no.  The reason is that throughout my school years (going back to probably 4th or 5th grade), I've always had crushes on guys I can't have for some reason or another.  In 6th grade, I even recall helping a friend I had a crush on get to "third base" with a girl so I could vicariously live the experience of getting to third base with him through her.  During high school, I had lots of sexual experiences with my friends (who are all probably married with kids now), but it was always me pursuing.  They were getting their rocks off, and I was falling in love.  I often point out to people that being gay is not who you sleep with, but who you fall in love with.  They were acting on their hormones but my heart was involved.

So getting back to Reggie's question, being friends with someone I am attracted to is the epitome of that experience for me and reliving it seemed not too fun.  I mean, what's the difference between your best friend and your partner?  You're having sex with your partner.  That's about it!  

So it seems that God is in the testing mood.  This person I met is a cool guy and he's H-O-T.  But he's also likely straight and that means that I'm going to have to either walk away from the potential friendship or learn to eat my words to Reggie.  I'm still contemplating it all at the moment and the wine is both helping and hurting :)  The date with myself tonight was awesome though.  The dinner was good (if I don't say so myself) and the company was great and feeling this way is probably what is making it ok to be friends with someone who I'm attracted to.  The burning question is, is he secure enough to be friends with someone who would sleep with him in a second?  Time will tell.