"The goal now, it seems, is simply to become known, to turn oneself into a sort of miniature celebrity. How many friends do I have on Facebook? How many people are reading my blog? How many Google hits does my name generate? Visibility secures our self-esteem, becoming a substitute, twice removed, for genuine connection. Not long ago, it was easy to feel lonely. Now, it is impossible to be alone.I admit that knowing how many people read my blog interests me from a self-validation sort of way. Since I can't get most of you to post comments, this is very one-directional communication, but my counter going up (accurately now) gives me an idea of how many people are reading and it feels good to know that some of you are likely laughing at something I found funny or crying at something I found sad.
As a result, we are losing both sides of the Romantic dialectic. What does friendship mean when you have 532 "friends"? How does it enhance my sense of closeness when my Facebook News Feed tells me that Sally Smith (whom I haven't seen since high school, and wasn't all that friendly with even then) "is making coffee and staring off into space"? My students told me they have little time for intimacy. And of course, they have no time at all for solitude.
But at least friendship, if not intimacy, is still something they want. As jarring as the new dispensation may be for people in their 30s and 40s, the real problem is that it has become completely natural for people in their teens and 20s. Young people today seem to have no desire for solitude, have never heard of it, can't imagine why it would be worth having. In fact, their use of technology — or to be fair, our use of technology — seems to involve a constant effort to stave off the possibility of solitude, a continuous attempt, as we sit alone at our computers, to maintain the imaginative presence of others."
But having had an ex who was in his 20's, I can say with certainty that the author is correct. It seemed to me that Jesse loathes solitude most times. When I've hated solitude, it's been because I didn't want to be alone with the thoughts I'm trying to stay a few steps ahead of. I suspect that's Jesse's issue as well. Texting, chatting, connecting with others on World of Warcraft and at bars, etc. These are all tools to keep the mind engaged and doing so constantly keeps the noise floor at a sufficiently high enough level to drown out the quieter noises of the past that one is avoiding. If it were only that simple. Those voices will not be silenced. They influence us emotionally instead of audibly because there is no escaping the impact of their presence. They must be dealt with. My therapist used to say that when you are being chased by ghosts, turn and run towards them. Youth describe absolute silence as "boring". But I think it's scary for most of them. The longer the silence, the more scary it is.
I do think this generation is on information overload. They get bored in 5 minutes. This wouldn't be a problem if all goals and accomplishments could be achieved in 5 minutes or less but we all know that some of the best things take time... some take a lifetime. I worry about this generation and the future of our society in general. Short-Attention-Spanitus is an epidemic and its consequences are growing larger with each generation.
When I point this out to the youth, they're quick to come back with, "I have ADD so that's why." Oh, I see. Because a doctor put a name on it, you have no responsibility to change it? I have diabetes. I still need to take my medication and be wary of my weight.
People who meditate often say that what takes the longest is learning how to breathe properly. Can you imagine that? Something we do hundreds and hundreds of times a day but it takes months of practice to do properly. Once they learn how to do it, the effects are magnificent. So my advice to those who have ADD who can't sit still for 10 seconds? Practice. Don't give up. It isn't silly to show your brain who's boss. Chemistry is not a one way street in the body. We can influence our chemistry with our mind just as much as our mind can be influenced by our chemistry.
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