Loving without Lusting

Reggie once asked me, "Sean, can you be just friends with someone you're attracted to?" My answer was no. When he asked me why, I really couldn't give him a good answer, but I know now that it was because of my insecurity and my belief about scarcity. Life has presented me with a perfect challenge. One of the men I bonded with this weekend was a 23 year old Stanford senior named Nathan. One of the most beautiful men I've ever seen - on the inside and out. He is incredibly smart and earned my respect very quickly. Those of you who doubt that a 23 year old could hold his own in a relationship with me need to meet this man and I hope you all will someday because he will be a gift to you also.

The opportunity to even try what Reggie asked me doesn't come along very often but when it does, it's very difficult to find the right dynamic. I bonded with Nathan and the other men this weekend in ways that surpass sexual attraction. So much so, that I was able to explain to Nathan my dilemma at the end of the weekend. I explained to him that it is a goal of mine to learn to love a man I'm attracted to as a friend only and asked him to be there for me on that journey and to not let go and he agreed. I am thrilled that he has agreed to allow me to prove to myself - and to him - that I can do this and will be forever indebted to him for being secure enough to love me back as a brother and friend knowing that I have such an attraction to him.

Exploring love for a man while keeping this boundary firm, is an incredibly powerful learning experience for me - perhaps it's even a journey for Nathan to be loved in this way by a gay man. Ironically, Nathan's journey is much like Reggie's and the circle is complete :).  

I had this post written last night, but before I posted it, I wanted to be sure that Nathan would be ok with me blogging about it.  He wholeheartedly approved this and any future posts about him.  Posting about others specifically is not something I do often here and I likely won't change that "policy".  I want people in my life to feel safe confiding in me knowing that their words to me are to me alone and that they are not speaking into a microphone which is this blog.

This is only the beginning, however. There are many such journeys to have and those are ones I hope to have with my new brothers Mike, Pierre, Jonathan, Jay, and Morgan.  Mike and Pierre are both men who are older than I but for whom I have great respect for their wisdom and am overjoyed to have them both in my life.  Jonathan, Jay, and Morgan are younger than I (the youngest is 18 and the oldest is 27) but watching them grow up in front of me over the weekend was nothing short of amazing.   Each and every one of these men including Nathan adds incredible value to my life and I am humbled by their courage and am proud to call them brothers.