Communication and the Closed Mind

My experience with trying to have a calm discussion about Christmas and having it turn into a big email fight is causing me to figure out that it's becoming increasingly more difficult to communicate at all about anything that isn't superfluous and non-important.  The days when two people in my family can sit down and have a calm, perhaps heated discussion/debate about something important and walk away respecting each other are gone, if they were ever here at all.  The list of taboo topics in my family seems to be growing.  Politics is at the top of that list, but that means a lot of other topics are too.  For example, gay rights which is near and dear to me, cannot really be discussed because it often leads to politics.  As does environmental consciousness, religion, the economy, world news, um.... most topics actually.

So the conversations are always sort of stuttered and policed when we all get together.  We have a wide spectrum of political views, each extreme does not respect the other and it shows.  The casualty of this is good discussion and a possibility that minds could be opened just a bit more.  I have a great amount of respect for all the players involved, but their lack of respect for each other causes heartache beyond belief.

Don't confuse respect for love.  My family loves each other very much, but the lack of respect can cause simple conversation topics to degrade into shouting matches.  And sometimes, no matter how calm one tries to remain, it's just not possible.

I wonder if it boils down to respect.  When I respect someone, I listen (not just hear while waiting my turn to slam in my point).  When I respect them, they have a decent chance of getting me to see the situation differently.  Perhaps not change my mind completely, but see their point of view and allow it into my way of thinking also.  Alas, this seems to be going away.  I know that Europeans are often surprised at how damaging these discussions are in America.  In Britain, for example, political discussions and debates are often the sport and at the end of the night, everyone has a good laugh and shrugs it off.  In America, we can create chasms in our relationships from having an opinion.  What a shame.

It's a shame because it could cause you to surround yourself with only people you agree with and who agree with you.  Each exposure to these people causes you to solidify your beliefs a little more - even if they're flawed.  Then when some poor bastard comes along with a different opinion, instead of being greeted with the open mind you started with, he's greeted with an argument backed by the beliefs of all your carefully selected friends (who could all be wrong).  The result is a closed-minded, divided society that is already a bit too 'put-everyone-into-a-bucket' happy as it is.

I'm working on getting more time in my life with people who respect conversation and open-mindedness and less time with those who just want to be right and who have no middle-ground bone in their bodies.