45 Most Powerful Images of 2011

It's been a busy year.  Mostly these images remind me that there is much more going on in the world besides our own little backyard and that we are pretty insignificant in the face of the earth we can't seem to learn to respect.  Click here to see the complete list of pictures.

It's Time.

This video perfectly, and without a single word, describes the emotion that fuels my fight for gay marriage.

Fannie and Freddie

Are they to blame for the recession? Examine the facts

Economic Woes Explained Simply... In two minutes.

The Earth is Full

I found this article in the New York Times by Thomas Friedman to be spot on and really made me think.

Money quote:

We’re currently caught in two loops: One is that more population growth and more global warming together are pushing up food prices; rising food prices cause political instability in the Middle East, which leads to higher oil prices, which leads to higher food prices, which leads to more instability. At the same time, improved productivity means fewer people are needed in every factory to produce more stuff. So if we want to have more jobs, we need more factories. More factories making more stuff make more global warming, and that is where the two loops meet.

Turning 40: Thoughts about Mortality

I've had quite a few reactions when I tell people I just turned 40. Many assume that I see it as a bad thing and offer some words of encouragement without prompting. "Oh it's just another day" or "It's just a number" or "40 is so young!" What no one wants to say is that turning 40 is like cresting the hill of life. The uphill battle of leaving your childhood to be an adult is now being replaced by the downward coast to old age (if we're lucky) and, inevitably, death.

The difference between me and most people is that I didn't just begin having thoughts about mortality (mine and other people's) around my 40th birthday. I've not really stopped thinking about it since I lost my friend Dave in a car accident at 17. It was that day that I learned that life truly can end abruptly, without warning, and without the time to say goodbye.

Don't be mistaken, however. I don't fear my death. If I live with any fear at the moment, it's leaving this planet before I get a chance to do a few things on my bucket list. What I've been thinking about recently are the smaller things...

• Will I regret not holding Jesse's hand in public? When I'm lying there in my own private world, the people whom I spared discomfort by not doing so will mean nothing to me.
• Will I regret working too much?
• Will I regret going to school?
• Will I regret the many hours I've spent playing World of Warcraft?
• Will I regret not making more time for friends and family?
• Not losing weight? Not taking my medication as regularly as I should have?
• Not reading more?
• Sleeping too much? Or perhaps not enough?

In other words, will I regret all the moments I squandered, taking for granted that more of them would be coming?

These are the things that weigh heavy on my mind these days. It isn't the fear of dying. It's the fear of dying before I get to make some of the right decisions in my life and 40 just brings to my attention that I'd better get started. It prompts questions such as:

• Do I spend enough time doing the things I love - both alone and with the people I love?
• Do I pursue money at the expense of happiness with the misguided thought that it's what is keeping happiness away from me?
• Do I hold onto and overvalue material things?
• Do I place too much value on getting my degree vs. the process of getting educated?

There is a blurry line in some of these questions, however. I don't think it's being materialistic when you value something that brings you great joy. People often accused me of being materialistic when I owned my Corvette, yet what they didn't know (or couldn't believe) was that the Corvette provided me a driving experience that brought great joy (and often excitement) to my transportation. My vette was a driving experience, the Camry is just a car - a mode of transportation. I don't think I've ever taken it for a recreational drive just to drive like I used to do with the Corvette. I digress. I seem to do that more these days.

Life is a race. A race against time. A race where you trade time for money and money for time trying to find the right balance between the two so you can end up at "your day" with the satisfaction that you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and were who you wanted to be before you got there.

So it may be time to let go of home ownership for a while. It may be time to let go of school and the idea of getting a degree. It may be time to set realistic career goals and turn a more serious eye towards my retirement income before I end up with lots of time and no money.

It isn't turning 40 that triggers these thoughts. It's watching life come and go for the inhabitants of this planet every day. Bus accidents, earthquakes, tsunamis, war. The victims of these things did not wake up that day knowing that it was their last. I wonder what they would have done differently that day if they'd known. What about the week prior? The decade? The reality is, we could be in our last decade, week, or day right now. Maybe it's time we all lived like it. What better way to be without regrets at the end?

The Happiness Index

This is worth 15 minutes of your life. A great speaker and a great message.

Defense of the Word 'Friend'

I've had a facebook profile for quite a while, but basically had it on "ignore" status until recently. Some gentle nudging from a younger co-worker along with the fact that my partner uses it extensively got me to take another look at it.

Social network has made "friend" a verb as in "Go ahead and friend me on facebook". I do fear that, like with much of the English language, this generation is dumbing down the word so much that I feel compelled to come to its defense. While I understand that "go ahead and add me as an acquaintance" doesn't quite have the rhythm or positive vibe that "friend" does, it is often a more accurate statement.

Social networking provides an opportunity to look at who is a friend and who is an acquaintance and how these relationships evolve back and forth between the two. It's a delicate balance because not everyone thinks of us the same way we think of them. I have tons of people in my friend list. Many of them found me with Facebook's help and were people I went to high school or elementary school with. Through the site, I've learned who got married to whom, who's financially "made it" and who is struggling. Who has kids and who is divorced. Who needs a high school reunion?

But the list can grow very long very quickly. If you're the type who really prides yourself on making deep connections, you'll quickly get overwhelmed. I'm reminded of a blogger who once wrote:

"Do I really care that some woman I barely knew in high school is making coffee right now?"

A friend of mine that I don't see nearly often enough once said, "Sean, do you want my advice or my support? They're not always the same thing." I've never forgotten that. So what is a friend? Someone who knows the difference between support and advice. While I think it's important that friends offer support, I think it's just as important (if not more so) that they offer advice. The worst thing we can do is surround ourselves with people who "yes man" everything we do and call them friends. Sometimes we are about to do something really damned stupid and the friend is the one who reminds us of that, not the one who says nothing at all or, "Whatever dude! Love ya!"

We are usually attracted to people who set similar boundaries in their lives that we do (i.e. principles, decision-making, and ethics) and then count on them to hold us to those when we are straying from the unspoken path we all walk - the path we and our friends call "common sense", even though another social group would have an entirely different definition of that. If someone makes "poor" (meaning we don't agree with them) decisions over and over, we tend to let them slip away. If we feel like someone makes "good" (meaning we agree with them) decisions over and over we tend to keep them around. If we respect a person for who they choose to be, we model their principles and decision making both in the interest of furthering our friendship with them and in bettering ourselves. Those in our circles who don't follow suit eventually drift away.

I like to use the bank account analogy for this. Every time we do something the way a friend would or take their advice, it's a deposit into the friendship account. Every time we do something differently or ignore their advice, it's a withdrawal. This analogy allows for people to disagree and remain friends but if it goes on for a long time, the account is overdrawn. The analogy also perfectly explains the evolution of relationships. There have to be more deposits than withdrawals while the relationship is forming or it won't form and the longer the relationship has gone on, the more withdrawals it can handle before being overdrawn.

But social networking, like every kind of networking (and all things in general), has its good side and its bad side. Not all connections are going to be fruitful or expansive. Sometimes they're just "there" going stale and sometimes they're waiting to bear fruit at some point in the future. For myself, I have a limited amount of time I'm willing to put into it. Friendships are like flowers and require constant pruning and attention from two people. There is room for more plants, but if I get too many in my garden, they all get less attention - including my most prized plant of all, the one I water by myself... Me.

What Does a Real Family Value?

I Wonder...

If Iran captured an American and waterboarded him/her 186 times in one month , would we would still call it "Enhanced Interrogation"?

Taking God Out of His Wrapper

A great read. This, btw, was the affect that reading Conversations With God had on me and why I'm so stoked to go meet the author in just under two months in Canada.

Open-Mindedness

I love stuff like this. It's 9 minutes long, but if you've ever wondered if you truly are open-minded or closed-minded, you should give it a watch...

Stare At This For a While

You'll see why I think religion is stupid. I consider myself right at the center of the bottom, above which all religions begin piling on the "we're right and you're wrong, our God is the only God" stuff which gives them their own color.

This is from this site, btw.

An Interesting Parallel

I just read this bit on Andrew's blog... It's about why women stay in abusive relationships (like physically abusive). But I found it to be an excellent description of what it feels like to be cheated on (especially the first time).

Money quote:

"There are things that are comprehensible parts of the world, even if they're rare, like having your car stolen; and then there are things that are unexpected in a completely different sense, like having your car turn into an elephant before your eyes: things that make you wonder whether you're completely crazy. Being beaten up by someone who apparently loves you is one of those things.

What this means is that precisely when a woman needs as much confidence in her own judgment as she can muster, the rug is completely pulled out from under her. And it's not just that she questions her judgment because she got involved with this guy in the first place; she questions her judgment because something so completely alien to the world she thinks she knows has just happened."

The Five Natural Emotions

All this talk about feelings got me thinking about one of my favorite segments of Conversations With God. I think this was in Book 3. Take it away God...

The Five Natural Emotions

Grief
Grief is a natural emotion. It's that part of you that allows you to say goodbye when you don't want to say goodbye. To express, push out, propel the sadness that is within you at the experience of any kind of loss. It could be the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a contact lens. When you are allowed to express your grief, you get rid of it.

Children who are allowed to be sad when they are sad, feel very healthy about sadness when they are adults and therefore move through their sadness very quickly. Children who are told, "There, there. Don't cry." have a hard time crying as adults. After all, they've been told all their lives not to do that. So they repress their grief.

Grief that is continually repressed becomes chronic depression - a very unnatural emotion. People have killed because of chronic depression. Wars have started. Nations have fallen.

Anger
Anger is a natural emotion. It is the tool you have which allows you to say, "No thank you". But it does not have to be abusive and it does not have to be damaging to another.

When children are allowed to express their anger, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years and therefore move through their anger very quickly. Children who are made to feel that their anger is not okay, that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn't even experience it will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their anger as adults.

Anger that is continually repressed becomes rage - a very unnatural emotion. People have killed because of rage. Wars have started. Nations have fallen.

Envy
Envy is a natural emotion. It is the emotion that makes the five year old wish he could reach the doorknob the way his sister can or ride that bike. Envy is the natural emotion that makes you want to do it again. To try harder. To continue striving until you succeed. It is very healthy to be envious - very natural.

When children are allowed to express their envy, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years and therefore move through their envy very quickly. Children who are made to feel that envy is not okay, that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn't even experience it will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their envy as adults.

Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy - a very unnatural emotion. People have killed because of jealousy. Wars have started. Nations have fallen.

Fear
Fear is a natural emotion. All babies are born with only two fears: The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned responses brought to the child by it's environment. Taught to the child by its parents. The purpose of natural fear is to build in a bit of caution. Caution is a tool that helps keep the body alive. It is an outgrowth of love - love of self.

Children who are made to feel that fear is not okay, that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn't even experience it, will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their fear as adults.

Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic - a very unnatural emotion. People have killed because of panic. Wars have started. Nations have fallen.

Love
Love is a natural emotion. When it is allowed to be expressed and received by a child normally, naturally, without limitation or condition, inhibition, or embarrassment, it does not require anything more. The joy of love expressed and received in this way, is sufficient unto itself. Yet love which has been conditioned, limited, warped by rules and regulations, rituals and restrictions, controlled, manipulated, and withheld becomes unnatural.

Children who are made to feel that their natural love is not okay, that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn't even experience it will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with love as adults.

Love that is continually repressed becomes possessiveness - a very unnatural emotion. People have killed because of possessiveness. Wars have started. Nations have fallen.
-------------------------------------------
And so it is that the natural emotions, when repressed, produce unnatural reactions and responses and most natural emotions are repressed in most people. Yet these are your friends. These are your gifts. These are your divine tools which to craft your experience. You are given these tools at birth. They are to help you negotiate life.

A Horoscope or a Way of Living Life?

This was (will be) my horoscope for tomorrow...

It's perfectly appropriate to use your analytical skills for business deals, major purchase and other types of financial matters, but when it comes to matters of the heart right now, you need to disregard the facts. Because if you only believe things when they are proven, you will never believe in love. People are complicated, and what is inside their heart isn't something that can be measured objectively. Try not to be too impatient with anyone. Give them time.

Amen.

Words For the Man Who Wants to be My Partner

The Invitation

an excerpt from the book "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

and if you dare to dream

of meeting your heart's longing

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love,

for your dreams,

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shriveled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,

mine or your own,

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,

mine or your own,

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you

to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful,

to be realistic,

to remember the limitations

of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling

is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another

to be true to yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul;

if you can be faithless

and therefore

trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty,

even when it's not pretty,

every day,

and if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,

yours and mine,

and still stand on the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

"Yes!"

It doesn't interest me

to know where you live

or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up,

after the night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the center of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where

or what

or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you,

from the inside,

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

The Universal Connection to Keeping Your Word

An excerpt from a book I'm reading called "Five Wishes" by Gay Hendricks.  In this portion of the book, the author is discussing what he calls "completions".  Closing old wounds with people, repaying debts long forgotten, saying something important that needs to be said, apologizing to someone, that kind of thing.  It doesn't have to be just you apologizing for something you did.  It could be you returning to someone who did you harm and telling them how angry/hurt/disappointed you felt/feel about it - thereby creating an opportunity for them to complete with you.

There's a power to completion that goes beyond good feeling into the whole of life.  What I've come to see is that the act of completing something, no matter how large or how small, puts you into harmony with the Universe.  If I say to you, "I'll call you today." I've created a new force in the Universe - a new agreement about how things will be.  If I then make good on my agreement and call you today, I line myself up in harmony with those forces.  If I don't call you today, I leave a loose end, an open circuit, an unresolved story line. By not calling you, I communicate something that affects my life and our relationship.  It says, "My word is no good and you are not worth my effort to keep my word."

My experience has been that each incompletion saps my energy and clouds my relationship with the people on the other end.  The act of completion restores my energy and clears the air that circulates through my relationships.  Further though, each act of completion celebrates our connection to the universe around us.  The universe becomes a friendlier place, because we're being friendlier to it.

As I got better and better at completing things, I found a happy surprise and an unexpected reward.  My path through the Universe became smoother and easier.  Daily life became blessed with positive coincidences both large and small.  A long forgotten loan to a friend was repaid, parking places started to appear, Oprah read one of our books and invited us on her show.  Things like these happened with greater and greater frequency as I honed the art of completion.

Now, even though I've lived for many, many years on a steady diet of spontaneous positive events, I celebrate them every day and try not to take them for granted.  I think of them as little winks from the Universe.  When they occur, I give thanks for them and wink back.

I believe that when we have lots of these incompletions, the 'sapping' of energy stacks up.  It can result in depression and even suicide.  I'm sure this is why groups like Alcoholics Anonymous have, as one of their steps, to return to those who you've hurt, betrayed, or negatively affected and apologize or make things right.  This is "completion" and regardless of whether it is received the way you hoped on the other end, it rejuvenates and removes the negative power in your life by closing the circuit through which that energy flows.

The people I know with "dark cloud syndrome" (where nothing ever seems to go right) -without exception - live a life outside of integrity.  They create a dozen incompletions a week, if not a day.  No thread of behavior is more clearly sewn through all of these people than that.

It gets a bit more challenging - but no less important - when the person you need to complete something with has passed away.  I know two people who have issues with the way their parents died (left them).  It is difficult to resolve this type of pain because the completion involves you coming to completion without the cooperation of the other.  Doing this may mean screaming angrily into a pillow, seeing the situation in a new light or from a different perspective, etc.  But this brings up the bigger point which is that completion isn't about them at all anyway.  It's about you.  Forgiveness is about you and your life, not about them and theirs.  They don't even have to know you forgave them.  Forgiving is for-giving you peace of mind.

Don't wait to become an alcoholic to practice this.  Keep your word and go back to others who you've hurt, disappointed, or left hanging and make an effort to make things right.  Do it today.  Do it for the rest of your life.  If they're still here, it will benefit you both.  If not, the positive affect of removing the negative from your life will feel like an adrenaline shot propelling you to the next incompletion to resolve.

Praise Allah?

I'm sorry. I found this rather ironic...

Al-Qaeda Plagued

An Experiment in Modern Human Behavior

So what happens when you take America's top classical musician who's paid more than $1,000 per minute to play, drop him in a Washington metro station during rush hour with his $3.5 million violin constructed in 1710 and have him just play?

The article is long, but it's astounding what happens.  Worth the read.  There's video from a hidden camera embedded into the article also.

Here it is

Let this be a reminder that sometimes pulling the iPod headphones out, stopping and appreciating beauty is something we all should do a little more often.