Creating a Contrast

I'm reading a new(er) book from Neale Donald Walsch called "Happier Than God".  Tonight, I read something interesting.  Sometimes we create experiences in our lives that are 'negative' so we can contrast the negativity with the future positivity.  For a very few, this step is not necessary because they appreciate all things.  But for many of us, we often don't appreciate the good when it appears because we haven't quite experienced (enough of) the bad yet.

When I look back onto the last four years, I'm often trying to find some meaning to it all.  It sometimes feels like I'm right back where I started except older.  Yesterday, I went to my brother's new house and they had their painter showing up to give them an estimate.  When he showed up... holy shit.  He was cute, smart, and motivated with a smile that could melt a glacier.  His name?  Jesse, of course.  At first I thought God was messing with me.  But I realized that there was a reason for it.  He was trying to show me that there are really great guys out there and not to get hung up on the Jesse who treated me so poorly.  In other words, a contrast - using the same name to prove the point.  Regardless of whether this Jesse is interested in me - or even gay for that matter, the point was taken.  I imagined myself with him for a brief moment.  Not in a sexual way, but in a "could I share my life with this person?" type of way.  I remember the days when I was proud to have a boyfriend who was outgoing and friendly and who my friends and family all loved (referring to Reggie, of course).

For a brief moment, I saw that future with Jesse the painter's face - perhaps as a placeholder - but, nonetheless, I will not settle for less than this.  I don't care if he's 22 or 32 or lives in the bay area or Russia.  I know what I want, and I know this more clearly now because of the contrast I gave myself.

This is really a firm part of what yin and yang means and it's a huge part of my belief structure.  I really need to get my tattoo.  I'm feeling it.  Just need to get the money together.  I think it's going to be $500+ to get it done because of the detail.  Christmas money perhaps.  Here's what it will look like...