Did I plan a boring route or a beautiful one? Is it too long of a trip or not long enough? I don't know what it will be like to drive 300-400 miles, day after day. My mind is also on Kuma. I know our time together is coming to a close and I'm cherishing his company. Being away from him for three weeks will be hard for both of us - despite the fact that grandma spoils him.
How do I document this trip? I have a nice camcorder. Is this a personal memoir or a video I'll want to show people. Will I have someone in my life by then that I won't want to be apart from or will this be an escape from the pressure I put on myself to find that person? I want so much to let this go and to let the universe figure out the 'how' but I'm finding that to be much easier said than done.
I suspect the places I'm staying along the way will have many happy couples. Will that have the effect on me that it has now or will I think, "You poor saps. I get to do what I want and you have to cater to each other."?
Trips like these are important to me because answers to these questions come whether I'm ready for them or not. They force me to "be here now". To let go of the past, stop worrying about the future, and be in this exact moment. The aptly-named "present". I focus on riding defensively, on sightseeing, on overcoming obstacles. There's no time or brain power left for worry or sadness. When I finally do rest each night, I will use the time to process the experience and apply it to my life.
2009 will hopefully be a year of enlightenment for me.
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