Social network has made "friend" a verb as in "Go ahead and friend me on facebook". I do fear that, like with much of the English language, this generation is dumbing down the word so much that I feel compelled to come to its defense. While I understand that "go ahead and add me as an acquaintance" doesn't quite have the rhythm or positive vibe that "friend" does, it is often a more accurate statement.
Social networking provides an opportunity to look at who is a friend and who is an acquaintance and how these relationships evolve back and forth between the two. It's a delicate balance because not everyone thinks of us the same way we think of them. I have tons of people in my friend list. Many of them found me with Facebook's help and were people I went to high school or elementary school with. Through the site, I've learned who got married to whom, who's financially "made it" and who is struggling. Who has kids and who is divorced. Who needs a high school reunion?
But the list can grow very long very quickly. If you're the type who really prides yourself on making deep connections, you'll quickly get overwhelmed. I'm reminded of a blogger who once wrote:
"Do I really care that some woman I barely knew in high school is making coffee right now?"
A friend of mine that I don't see nearly often enough once said, "Sean, do you want my advice or my support? They're not always the same thing." I've never forgotten that. So what is a friend? Someone who knows the difference between support and advice. While I think it's important that friends offer support, I think it's just as important (if not more so) that they offer advice. The worst thing we can do is surround ourselves with people who "yes man" everything we do and call them friends. Sometimes we are about to do something really damned stupid and the friend is the one who reminds us of that, not the one who says nothing at all or, "Whatever dude! Love ya!"
We are usually attracted to people who set similar boundaries in their lives that we do (i.e. principles, decision-making, and ethics) and then count on them to hold us to those when we are straying from the unspoken path we all walk - the path we and our friends call "common sense", even though another social group would have an entirely different definition of that. If someone makes "poor" (meaning we don't agree with them) decisions over and over, we tend to let them slip away. If we feel like someone makes "good" (meaning we agree with them) decisions over and over we tend to keep them around. If we respect a person for who they choose to be, we model their principles and decision making both in the interest of furthering our friendship with them and in bettering ourselves. Those in our circles who don't follow suit eventually drift away.
I like to use the bank account analogy for this. Every time we do something the way a friend would or take their advice, it's a deposit into the friendship account. Every time we do something differently or ignore their advice, it's a withdrawal. This analogy allows for people to disagree and remain friends but if it goes on for a long time, the account is overdrawn. The analogy also perfectly explains the evolution of relationships. There have to be more deposits than withdrawals while the relationship is forming or it won't form and the longer the relationship has gone on, the more withdrawals it can handle before being overdrawn.
But social networking, like every kind of networking (and all things in general), has its good side and its bad side. Not all connections are going to be fruitful or expansive. Sometimes they're just "there" going stale and sometimes they're waiting to bear fruit at some point in the future. For myself, I have a limited amount of time I'm willing to put into it. Friendships are like flowers and require constant pruning and attention from two people. There is room for more plants, but if I get too many in my garden, they all get less attention - including my most prized plant of all, the one I water by myself... Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment