An update

So Jesse and I have decided to take a step back and breathe... at least until the end of the year. I have a goal for myself to remain single until the end of the year so that I can get a bit more comfortable with being alone and have that be something I won't give up easily (vs. happily, which is the way I feel now). He has a similar goal so this new plan fits that. The difference is that my word (to myself and others) is typically a bit more reliable. For example, Jesse promised me he wouldn't get into another relationship for 6 months... a week before he moved to PA to be in a relationship.

I know better than to ask him for this promise again because his word isn't worth much. This last point is the most troubling to me in general. People say, "All you have is your word" all the time and it almost sounds cliche' but it is so true. So much of life is based upon intangible promises and commitments. I'd argue that if no one kept their word, the world would turn into absolute chaos. We wouldn't be able to trust anyone. Crime would skyrocket, as would deaths and suicides. We rely on people keeping their word to feel comfortable, to trust them - even in a basic way. Doctors take the Hippocratic oath and when we need their care, we count on them simply keeping their word.

So Jesse's trouble keeping his word is troublesome in many ways. At the moment, I'm deciding whether that has any hope of being changed. If it doesn't, what exactly is the point? I'm growing tired of the up and down of being let down and also of being stuck in pessimism to avoid disappointment when I'm a normally optimistic guy.

The dice are on the table. The end of the year will bring clarity, more data points, and a decision.